ANOTHER year, another anniversary. And yes, that includes all the holidays that are both culturally significant (Chinese New Year is this Sunday!) as well as non-culturally significant (Valentine's Day is this Sunday!).

Yes, love is in the air, everywhere you look around (and yes, you probably should take him or her out for ballroom dancing). That time of year when even lesser flowers suddenly appreciate in value faster than a panicky Michael Schumacher driving to the florist because he forgot flowers for his missus (hey, he wouldn't want another Mrs Tiger incident, would he? Even if this is the year of the tiger...).

And that time of year when two officemates officially tie the knot (Imroen and Hidayah, congratulations in advance!) — a time of year when you either hear music continuously polluting your air supply (especially Making Looooooooooooooooooooooove Out Of Nothing At All) or when you get physically sick because of the mush (also set to the same song).

As that magnificent playwright Billy S once said, "If music gets you mackin', let's get this party started, yo!" OK, so you may know him by his unhip and non-modern monicker of William Shakespeare (now THERE'S a porn star name if ever there was one), and that nonsense about music and food and stuff — but you know what I mean. Quite possibly the only song that could go wrong would be Lady Gaga (and I'm not talking about Just Dance). And no, I don't mean Pokerface either...

As far as the Koreans are concerned, they are taking the whole "food of love" concept quite literally. According to a Reuters article I came across during the course of my work, love is a sweet rice cake stick, or that is what South Korea's farm ministry would like the country's romantically minded to believe. The title of the article — South Korea asks youth to spread love through rice — is officially eww...

Apparently, the ministry was trying to muscle into a popular local tradition where young people show their affection by exchanging chocolate stick candy on Nov 11, which was chosen because the "11/11" calendar note looks like four of the sticks. Which would mean that this coming November will be extra significant (you know, 11/11/11). Better stock up on chocolate futures then (hey, I do work for a business daily newspaper, after all).

The special day for chocolate sticks (called pepero) was a stroke of marketing genius by a confectionery company that has turned Nov 11 into a monument of mass consumption for its product. And judging by the mass volume of Korean soap operas out there, love is something that they gorge on more than bulgogi stuffed with truffles and kimchi (Korean food for a Valentine's day dinner? Hmm...).

The government thinks candy may be nice, but the day is better celebrated with rice — or the traditional rice cake stick called garaetteok. "This will promote the consumption of rice cakes made with our own rice," said ministry official Lee Joo-young. The ministry created cute mascots (see illustration on the right) and plans rice cake games to mark the day.

I am assuming that these games are, err, sticky in nature, and thus have to be censored from the delicate mental constitutions of my readers. Although if I know my readers correctly, they can probably imagine more decadent ideas of debauchery than a wine-sozzled Roman senator who just smoked some Mary Jane sticks. One friend came up with a game called "Stuff That Rice Cake"; I leave it to you to either react in disgust (you are one sick freak, buddy), or arousal (which would make YOU the freak, you sicko)...

Heh, heh! A sticky and sweet rice cake game. Madonna would probably be offended —  but considering that she is on to official unofficial male companion No 2 (after marrying-then-divorcing official male companion No 1 Sean Penn, getting a daughter out of one dancer and then marrying-then-divorcing official male companion No 2 Guy Ritchie, who gave her a son), and the guy is young enough to BE her son, then you probably shouldn't cry for her, Argentina. Just kidding, Madge; you're just a Material Girl, and I know you feel it in your heartbeat...

The Korean ministry was also trying to appeal to the patriotic spirit, because: "Some of those chocolate sticks are exported from China," Lee said. Uh huh; yeah, that ought to work. Nothing is bound to attract Cupid's arrows like all-out nationalism. Malaysians, be warned: Merdeka time will be filled with patriotic songs , so it will curdle your spirits yet raise the flagpoles (ahem) at the same time ("Inilaaaaaaah... baaaarisan kita.......").

At any rate, dissing China is probably not a good idea — after all, they have a population of 1.33555 billion, as we saw last week. I'm pretty sure that means that they're pretty down with the concept of Let's Get It On (I shudder to imagine how that would sound in Mandarin, especially as a karaoke song).

Their government had to actively force people to stop getting jiggy with it; all the Koreans would have to do is show pictures of Kim Jong-il in a nightie. If THAT turns you on, we will officially name the holiday after you (Patron Saint of I-So-Need-More-Than-Just-Some-And-That-Includes-Therapy). St Valentine will definitely have to hang up his hat (no prizes for guessing WHERE it will be hung)...

And to end this little essay, I am dropping in a shameless plug: if you are in KL and are in need of flowers (and other assorted goodies) to give a certain special someone this Sunday, check out your friendly neighbourhood florist Nook Flowers. Yes, this is a little late in the game, but I know that there are some out there who will wait till the last minute anyway (you know who you are). Who knows, investing in Nook could get you some nookie...

Ahmad Azrai already knows what love isssssssssssssssssss... You don't have to showwwww meeeeeeeeeeeeee...