A loving ode to my lovely cousin

EVEN though everyone knows the importance of family, there are times when the old saying, "God gives you your family, thank God you can choose your friends" rings so true. Especially in modern times, the institution of the family is under tremendous strain of pressures both external and internal (the very acceptance of the term "starter marriage" into the modern lexicon is a telling hint).

But home is where the heart is, and those who know me know that I have a big heart because it is voluminous enough to love so much love for my family and friends. This is true even if there are times when loving them is not so easy, and the fact is that my love is both deep and wide (unless you happen to be a Malaysian politician, in which case you need to repent big time to earn it).

Thanks to the conventions of the society, my family is huge; not as huge as some that I know, but I can honestly say that my family tree is less of tree than it is a bush — especially since more than a few of the branches have budded together, if you know what I mean. At any rate, the maternal side of it is especially dear to me — and not the least of it for the reason that is contains my cousin Rozy Ghaffar.

Rozy and I are second cousins because my late mother Faridah and her mum (my Auntie Halimah) are first cousins. If you want to get technical, we are not exactly related by blood, as my granduncle Wan Hashim married Rozy's late maternal grandmother Zaleha, adopting her daughter (Auntie Halimah) in the process. However, as our late Uncle Mahmood (a scholar who made the intricacies of his and our family trees his life's calling) said, once family, always family, and a minor like blood relations is not going to change that.

At any rate, what matters is that in my family, the tie is one that binds. And even though Rozy and I did not really get to see each other that often when we were kids (only during the school holidays, and even then not all the time), I have always had a very close bond with her. I suppose that it is fitting, as my late mum and Auntie Halimah were very close too; it seems that some indisputably intangible things can seem to be passed on through genetics.

We both got to really know each other when we were studying in the UK (for some reason, we always seemed to bump into each other in London, even though we never planned it), and she was the first of my cousins there who called me when my mum passed away. A few years later, Rozy's own father — my late Uncle Ghaffar — lost his own battle with illness, so I did what I could to console my darling cousin who is like the sister I never had, because I truly understood what she was going through (we both still miss both of them very much).

Rozy and I are quite a like in several ways. Well, other than the rather obvious differences, of course (she's a lot prettier than me, as anyone can attest). We both share the same sense of humour (it's SO much more fun when you can make a joke even with a single word and the other party instantly gets it). We both love good food (although for some strange reason, I am a better cook than she is), art and reading, and we both do not like doing things half-heartedly. As far as we are concerned, it's all or nothing, even if it means being forced to take on more trouble than it's worth (another family trait, apparently. If there is an afterlife, I am going to have a serious talking to with my ancestors...).

We also share similar good taste in music - and for that, Rozy will (as Mariah Carey put it) always be my baby. I took her to see Harry Connick, Jr when he first came to Malaysia in 2005; in fact, I brought her with me to the press conference (I wrote about it in an article called When Rozy met Harry — do take a break and read it, it's quite funny, and relevant to the following part of this tale), and Rozy (a non-journalist) did me proud because she asked him about When Harry met Sally - something that the journalists there didn't even think to ask him (I had decided to let her ask it as I had other questions — you can ask Rozy about it, I am not making this up). A smart cookie, is my darling cousin (but then again, so are so many others in my family).

That was a few years ago; some things have changed since then. Rozy is no longer obsessed with Harry; it's Michael Schumacher now, because Rozy got to meet him when she went to Germany to make some films for Petronas (my cousin is an awesome video producer/photographer, and you must get her to tell you the hilarious story of when she met Schumi). She has stopped using the word "scrumptious" which emphasised her obsession with Harry (praise be to the deity of your choice). And she is no longer as difficult to get a hold of compared to what I described in When Rozy met Harry; she is now merely harder to meet than the prime minister of Iceland (as detailed by Bloomberg Markets magazine). One thing has not changed, tough, and that is the steadily stronger affection that we have for each other and the things we do (I am always awed by her gorgeous videos and photos, whereas she seems to love whatever it is I write about, whether serious or tongue in cheek).

A few weeks ago, I was supposed to have lunch with her (I actually had to make an appointment with her, that's how busy she was). Sadly, she called me at around 11am, and requested a postponement; she sounded really sick (coughing and sneezing at the same time) due to a last minute job from another client (clients always do this, sadly). We still managed to talk for about 15 minutes (a little virus is no match for our love for each other), and so I decided to spontaneously visit her at home office anyway with some roses (courtesy of my favourite florist Nook Flowers). In the end, I got to spend lots of quality time with Rozy, and I stayed till late for dinner and a refreshingly long chat.

For you see, above all the reasons that I love my darling cousin is the fact that we can talk about anything and everything; from the hassles of work to the adorability of our respective cats right on to more personal matters. It is rather sad that sometimes you can get taken for granted just because of the fact that you are family; with Rozy, we are not only very close cousins, but I am blessed to have a wonderful friend who just happens to be related to me. So, as far as I am concerned, there will always be roses for Rozy.

The only trick now is predicting when we can see each other again (our get-togethers tend to be a few months apart, we are both that busy). If I could do that, I could probably take on Warren Buffett and George Soros at their own game...

Ahmad Azrai loves his family, his friends, his cats and his very special someone (not necessarily in that order)...