Why is it that getting around in Malaysia means being more-or-less forced to get your own car?

WHEN I was an actively nosey reporter (as opposed to merely being nosey now), I used to cover the entertainment beat, food (man, I miss being invited by them hotels to try out their latest gastronomic promotions!) and IT. Even though it was all for work, there was no shortage of fun to be had (there was a shortage of mischief, but since I am a good guy, no problem there).

What I would have loved to cover was the travel beat — going to all sorts of places, meeting different kinds of people and taking in the sights and sounds, along with copious amounts of food and drinks. Hey, there are people who get paid to do that on TV, and I bet that there is not one of you out there who hasn't thought, "Hang on, I could do that! How hard is it to a cocky show-off going everywhere and having people serve you food?"

Alas, this being Malaysia, such opportunities are rarer than finding a local steakhouse that actually knows how to make a medium rare steak (I've had a wide variety that ranges from medium-not-so-well-done to one-carbon-molecule-short-of-being-classified-as-a-charcoal-biscuit). Unless you happen to be schmoozing the right sugar-person (hey, this the 21st century after all), you aren't likely to be enjoying sex on the beach in the Bahamas (nor the drink either, wink wink).

Then again, if you consider the state of transportation in Malaysia, perhaps it's not surprising that people can hardly get anywhere in a convenient manner. The main reason for getting your own car here (be you in the hustle-and-hustlerfull-bustle of Kuala Lumpur or in the are-we-there-yet-remoteness of the smaller towns) is because the state of both public and private transportation is appalling.

Take, for example, the Light Rail Transit (LRT) trains that run across a certain section of Kuala Lumpur. The much hyped upgrading of three-door cabooses into four-door cabooses has proven to be a minimal exercise — not even half of the trains have been so upgraded, and outside of the really hectic rush hours, you can hardly catch them. And this is before the even more trumpeted extension of the lines to double the current track length — so how exactly is this going to ease congestion?

Buses in KL (and in the other towns too, from what various people have told me) are not exactly the best alternative, either. Just a few years ago, there was a massive exercise in pruning of "unprofitable routes" for the major bus company in Malaysia, which meant that the very people who could not afford a car or motorcycle were forced to buy, beg or borrow (some probably went for the option of stealing) a vehicle that they could not afford to maintain. As I recall from my days of being a student of Economics & Politics, public transportation is, like street lighting, a public good — in other words, you're not supposed to be making a profit from it as it is for everyone's benefit. The way to support it is via contributions from the government — after all, that is where our taxes are supposed to go to.

Surprisingly, private bus services (ie, the ones that operate for travel to other towns) are fairly efficient and reasonably priced. Based on my own travels both to the north and south of the country, the buses actually leave on time, or else a mere few seconds after they are supposed to depart — a miracle worthy of an Almighty deity (who can only be named by certain people, and even then only in certain states), as anyone who has ever had to deal with Malaysian time can attest to.

Don't even get me started on the absolutely horrendous state of trains here. I have sworn off riding KTM's services based on far too many disastrous rides, though I still do swear at them for wasting my precious time. The state of air transportation is improving in Malaysia, thanks to increased competition from a certain red-coloured airline, but it's not like I can fly to every place that I might possibly want to go ["I'm sorry, sir, we do not offer any flight services to Teluk Intan. Because, sir, the airport would be bigger than the town...].

Sadly, for the vast majority of people, a car is still the way to go, even though it is ridiculously costly to get one in Malaysia, what with the unreasonable taxes on foreign cars, the lack of alternative fuel supplys to make green transportation viable nor the lack propagation of manners amongst drivers (which spills over into the everyday lives of said Malaysians). Trust me, I have survived as a Malaysian pedestrian all these decades based on quick reflexes and keeping my wits about me — and crossing a street here is like playing Russian roulette by yourself with a six-shooter that has five full chambers (I would probably take up gambling if my luck were transferable into that arena, but knowing my luck...).

And the reason I am writing this rant? It's because I, as a tax-paying citizen, am not happy with the way our minister of transportation is not taking proper public transportation seriously. Instead, he is more interested in consolidating his power base and making promises that he didn't have any intention of keeping than helping the very people who elected him in the first place.

Our government proudly crows about how its various departments are scoring high marks on their KPIs (key performance indicators); perhaps they should actually interview the man on the street (and I do mean every street, not just the ones where everyone has their own car), and you might not see your score being so shiny after all. Better yet, start taking public transportation to work everyday for a month or two, and see how the rest of the real citizens live.

Don't worry about the many approved-for-government-official-use Toyota Camrys that would go unused in the meantime; we could leave it in the care of the Royal Malaysian Air Force. After all, it's not like anyone can get past their security and steal jet engines or such.

Hey, wait a minute...

Ahmad Azrai really wants his very own TIE Defender in which to get around town...