What is it with the Philippine penal system and dancing inmates?

MICHAEL Jackson has left the building. Yes, even though it has been eight months since he died, and the world still can't seem to believe it. Wacko Jacko was certainly worthy of his title King of Pop, despite the many bizarre things he did in his not-that-private-really life.

As a loving yet stern uncle (trust me, I can get very grouchy), it never fails to amuse me when my numerous nephews and nieces (from across a whole spectrum of ages) eventually learn the joys of Workin' Day and Night, knowing when to be a Speed Demon and knowing when to Leave Me Alone, knowing that it don't matter if you're Black or White and that it all starts with the Man In The Mirror. Most of all, I feel really cheerful when they discover, in jaw-dropping awestruck silence, the debut of the Moonwalk.

But if there is one dance that will always get them jerking along, it's the Thriller dance, most likely because it's much easier to pull off compared the Moonwalk (that said, some of my nephews and nieces can do the Moonwalk; whereas if I try it, I fail miserably even if I am wearing socks and try it on a polished marble floor).

Nowadays, you can find the video on how to dance it anywhere, thanks to the Internet. The first place to look would probably be YouTube — which is, of course, a subsidiary of that wonderful Big-Trouble-In-Little-China search engine (Chew know who I'm talking about). And you will find videos galore on how to jerk your body like a nervous zombie who just drank seven cups of low-fat-no-foam-Cinnamon Dolce Latte with Sugar-Free Syrup.

And then, you will doubtless also come across the sight (or link, rather) of 1,500 plus inmates dancing along to the dead man's tune (yes, that was literally ghoulish humour on my part, but I couldn't resist). And even though your reaction will be along the lines of involving the initials of the William Tell Foundation, you know that you — a mere mortal who cannot resist — will start to shiver your body as them grizzly ghouls close in to seal your doom.

You discover that these funny fellows are residents of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Centre in Cebu, the Philippines. And they seem to be bopping to a smörgåsbord of acts from The Wonder Girls to the Black Eyed Peas and even Bollywood tunes, for the love of Terpsichore (who, as one of the nine Muses, was the goddess of choral song and dancing). And you will surely ask yourself: why?

Let's recap some basic facts, thanks our friendly neighbourhood Wikipedia. With an estimated population of about 92 million people, the Philippines is the world's 12th most populous country. It is thought that there are an additional 11 million overseas Filipinos worldwide, also known as Overseas Contract Workers (OCWs) or — more infamously — as the Filipino maid (yes, yes, some OCWs are guys, I know, keep your Stussey shirts on...).

Now, that bears some thought. No 1, of course, is China with a whopping 1.33555 billion people as at Jan 30, 2010 (or 19.64% of the world's population). Can you speak or write in any dialect of Chinese? (I can write and say my name in Mandarin, by the way — a fact that I am immensely proud of because I have Chinese friends who can't do their own). It is followed by India (1.176411 billion as at Jan 30, or 17.3%), the United States (308.58 million, or 4.54%), Indonesia (231.3695 million, or 3.4%) and Brazil (192.406 million, or 2.83%).

At No 43 in the list, Malaysia (28.3067 million, or 0.42%) looks kind of pathetic — especially since war-torn Iraq (No 39, 30.747 million) and Nepal (No 40, 29.331 million) have more people than us. And if you look at the Malaysian population make-up quite carefully, you will see that quite a number of them include we'll-stay-here-after-all foreign workers (both legal and otherwise). I do believe that number includes some Filipino OCWs, too. Oh well, never mind...

Where was I? Oh yes, the jailhouse gyrations of Filipino felons. Apparently, it is all thanks to the efforts of Byron Garcia, son of former Cebu governor Pablo Garcia and brother of current governor Gwendolyn Garcia. Apparently, when Gwen assumed office in 2004, Byron was asked to manage the jail. It was, as he put it "a living hell", and he was determined to do something about it.

"Rehabilitation is not rehabilitation when it is anchored on punitive action," goes the website, further explaining Byron's belief that rehabilitation has to be anchored on compassion so that a sinner can be separated from the sin. He wanted to bring out the best in the worst of men — and you gotta admit, it is one heck of a good and noble idea.

It was, to put it in pop music terms, a smash hit; the dancing inmates soon had CNN, BBC, Time and Newsweek scrambling to the Philippines, and Byron was acknowledged as one of Cebu’s Ten Outstanding Men. There doesn't seem do be any data on whether the method works, or if petty crimes have actually escalated because some guys might actually want to join in for the sake of fun and companionship (Filipinos are a very tight communal lot) — but it sure seems streets ahead of anything else offered for a penal system in the rest of the world.

You have to laugh at the absurdity of it all. In a large part of the world, mention the word "prison" and visions of Oz would show up. Now, you would probably envision something like West Side Story, but with more dancing and less sissiness. And perhaps Paula Abdul will try a new career as governor of a state prison?

I know one thing for sure: many of our politicians should be in jail for failing us spectacularly (unless stolen military jet engines, massive swindling of taxpayer money and dodgy defence deals don't count). Then, we would force them to do gymnastic aerobics to the most cringeworthy tunes known to man until they break down and cry, begging for mercy by promising to repent. After all, if seventeen sets of M Daud Kilau won't kill you, the next set of dances using Achey Breaky Heart (as sung by Hetty Koes Endang) surely will...

Ahmad Azrai puts his right foot forward, arms apart Thai dancer style, left leg bent, head facing diagonally above right, and twiiiiiist — [CRASH] Ow. Someone help me get up, please...