How going Gaga over the Illuminati can lead to a Bad Romance...

CONSPIRACY. Isn't that such a magnificently bombastic word? It permeates almost all important niches in today's society, be it with regards to politics, business, religion (the societies of yesterday were far too busy speaking in ancient funny ways and worshipping whichever deity they worshipped to worry about such things, apparently). Not that this sort of thing happens in Malaysia. After all, according to our politicians, we are pretty much perfect, thanks to their efforts, with no religious conflicts, no racial slurs, no animal heads deposited at places of worship, no constitutional conflicts nor lack of scruples nor integrity.

Ahem.

Anyway, the creation and advancement of the Internet means that you can have more access to rumours, scandals and stories without having to resort to reading those kinds of tabloids found in many supermarket aisles worldwide, particularly in America (some people just can't live without discovering the fact that Elvis is still alive, having impregnated Bigfoot's lovechild who was innocently looking for the Virgin Mary in a burger bun that she was eating). And even though I work in the media line and have more access than the general layman, so to speak, there is only so much that I can read (and even less that I want to read).

So, I tend to rely on other people for amusing stories, and this one is from my friend and work colleague John. He and I and quite a few others in the office share the same sarky and outrageous sense of humour (which is developed naturally, and honed and refined due to exposure to the shenanigans and henanigans of Malaysian politicians and people), so any suggestions from him are bound to be comedy gold. I am sure that you will agree that this week's topic — the exposé that Lady Gaga is a puppet of the Illuminati — is a winner.

It's all here on the Vigilant Citizen website. Here, the Citizen writes about everything from occult symbolism aimed at children via the cartoon Yu-Gi-Oh! to the masonic aspects of Walt Disney's Pinocchio, down to current forms of Roman pagan worship (the Nike "swoosh" is code for the rings of Saturn, never mind that Nike herself was the Greek goddess of Victory) right on to the propagation of transhumanist agendas in most pop videos (Beyoncé and Rihanna are saying something as strict schoolmistresses, it seems. Break out them whips, boys.) and even sinister building sites (including the Rockefeller Centre, the EU Parliament building and the Denver International Airport). The real question that I bet most of you are asking is: Why?

Let's hear it from the mystery man (woman? Neuter? Transgender? Who knows...) him(her/it)self. (S)He/It says on the website:

"To understand the world we live in, we must understand the symbols surrounding us. To understand those symbols, we must dig up their origin, which is often found deeply hidden in occult mysteries. This site goes beyond the face value of symbols in pop culture to reveal their esoteric meaning.

"My quest for knowledge led me to obtain a Bachelor's degree in Communications and Politics. I've mainly studied the way power uses mass media to shape and mold attitudes of the general public. My education was perfect to hold a job in marketing or PR, but did not satisfy my thirst for truth.

"My efforts to further understand the forces governing the world lead me to study secret societies, mystery religions, esoteric sciences and ancient civilisations. I've spent the last five years researching Theosophy, Freemasonry, Rosicrucianism, the Bavarian Illuminati and Western Occultism. These schools of thoughts have many things in common: they are based on Hermetic teachings (Hermes, Thoth, Enoch, Mercury), they attach EXTREME importance to symbolism and they recruit within their ranks the most prominent people of all fields of society, especially politics, law and public service. The natural result of this phenomenon is the display of occult symbolism in all aspects of society, especially music, movies and buildings. My goal is to bring out the meaning of these symbols in a clear, concise and entertaining way.

I am also a music producer who has composed music for some fairly well-known 'urban' artists. My work in the music business has led me to deal with talent agents, video directors and record companies. Through my experiences and my contacts, I have discovered some of the darker aspects of the entertainment industry, which I found were in direct connection with my studies in occultism. My understanding of the state of mind that prevails in the higher levels of the music industry ladder makes it probably easier for me to decipher the symbolism in music videos than it is for others.

"That being said, there is a reason why occult teachings are held secret. They reveal the naked Truth without any compromise. Very few people are prepared to face those facts. As much as I would like to open the world's eyes, I realise that this site IS NOT for everybody. If you are one of those people, I suggest you go here instead.

If, however, you're interested in the findings of a genuine truth seeker, you are in the right place."

To quote Dr Evil: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

Thus, it all leads back to the girl who was born Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta in New York City (no wonder she changed her name). The One Who Has Been Christened The New Madonna (why is it that there are no new artistes that can just be themselves? Could you live with yourself if you were forever branded the new Fiona Apple? Or the new Sha-Na-Na?) seems to be guilty of Illumnati-ing her numerous photos and videos with the "eye in a triangle" symbol (often with her fingers) amongst other fairly obvious and blatant signs.

I am particularly entertained by the explanation of the song and video for Bad Romance: the chant "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah!/Roma-roma-maa!/Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!/Want your bad romance!" seems to be announced "in a weird, gothic accent, in the manner of a ceremonial/incantation, a little like the "Bum-bum-bedum" of Rihanna's Disturbia. Ra, as the name of the ancient Egyptian sun god, is still of great importance in today's occultism (see the "Eye of Ra", the All-Seeing Eye). Roma may be a reference to the roman catholic church, but I'm not sure. This could be interpreted in many ways so I won't linger on it."

Yes, the much simpler explanation that the "Roma" bits happens to be the first two syllables of the word "romance" couldn't possibly be right.

The "hidden meanings" of the scenes in the video are analysed painstakingly, from the similarities to The Who's Tommy movie, the gradual loss of "innocence" (the bathtub scene), the dark force ruling the music industry (the scene where she's auctioned off to the mafioso — which represent the Illuminati), the return of good old-fashioned Western occultism by use of the gazelle heads (representing Baphomet) — all lead to the conclusion that "Gaga basically went through the steps a mega-pop star has to go through in order to 'make it big' in the music industry. She ultimately got what she wanted and apparently played the game on her own terms. Let's see how that works out for her".

In conclusion, our dear Vigilant says, "Lady Gaga's Bad Romance is by far the densest and most symbolic video I've ever analysed. It is a metaphorical yet accurate description of the steps which must be taken in order to become part of the 'mega-pop-star machine'. Submission, control, business negotiations, initiation, secrecy and the embrace of dark forces are all represented in the video. Once decoded, the song describes indeed the Bad Romance of the music industry. The machine uses artists, it pimps them, it cheats on them with new, hotter artists and it finally dumps them when the initial appeal is lost".

And that's just the one song! Good thing the write does not seem to be aware of Gaga's bisexuality (the focus of her hit Poker Face, as the artiste herself has explained) — that would really set a cat amongst the conservative pigeons. If you have the time, do read the rest; it's even more entertaining than if Neil Patrick Harris hosted a Saturday Night Live episode parodying Lost (special guest appearance by Oprah Winfrey as one of The Others).

So what, at the end of the day, are we to make of it all? You could, of course, treat it as gospel; after all, the symbolism and suggestiveness is quite clear, and the sinister insidiousness of it all does not bode well for us all (and rather sadly, some people actually do). However, to paraphrase Terry Pratchett, things are only suggestive if your mind is open to suggestion; it could all be an elaborate prank, the writings of a guy who is probably giggling himself silly at the thought that someone out there might actually swallow it all hook, line and sinker (admittedly, if this is true, he is a genius, which is disheartening considering how much more productive he could be by putting his talents to better use).

Or, you could also say that it's all part of that vast, elaborate conspiracy; the ultimate masters behind all this anti-Illuminati propaganda are none other than the Illuminati themselves. After all, what better way to deflect attention from your activities than by actively highlighting those very same activities, but in such a manner as to throw people off the scent (like, for example, making it seem like such a ridiculously oversaturated conspiracy via an online website)?

The exposure of the Illumnati is nothing new; after all, people exposing them have been doing it for centuries (see The Simpsons, the first Tomb Raider movie, Angels & Demons, various other novels, etc). And if they really are that powerful and huge and tentacular, it is much too late to do anything about them. And if people want to worship Ra, they will carry on worshipping regardless (although cat lovers would disdain Ra in favour of Bast, of course), and they do not need a popstar to tell them about it (Carrie Underwood, Jesus is a wee bit too busy to take your wheel right now, sweetie).

What you can do, instead, is live life in a good manner and prove to everyone that principles play a part, and that greed and lust for money is ultimately self-defeating. If you have children, teach them to be good, courteous, ever questful of knowledge and joyful — goals that are not unreasonable for adults too, really. The Citizen is probably taking the advice of Lady Gaga herself to heart: spin that record, baby.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have an ultra top-secret meeting to attend. There is no point in killing you if I told you; I myself have no idea where or when it is supposed to be held, it's that secret...

Ahmad Azrai is gonna be OK/Dah dah, doo doo/Just dance...